Went out last night for Jackey's birthday-- everybody was at Duffy's, and there was even decent music for a little while. We all danced together and got super goofy. Also, Brian, who drives the Ecocab, remembers where I live now. So convenient!

Ran into Josh and his mom earlier today while I was at Empire. It wasn't too awkward but it put me into a strange mood, thinking about the past and how quickly everything changes; how little stability there really is in life. Well, seeing them as well as thinking about the MFT potluck tomorrow evening, where I'll be hanging out with people that used to be my closest friends and are now practically acquaintences. So, there's at least three people who I thought would be semi-permanent parts of my life-- and I don't usually allow myself to acknowledge that-- who, well, you get the idea. (That was the first time I've believed that I've found stability and lost it, so bear with me. I know it's not an earth-shattering revelation.)

I've been grappling with this idea for about a year now (accepting, even embracing impermanence, I mean), but it's still fucking rough for me when I encounter something I want to hold onto and the reality of loss stares me in the face. I think that's another reason I am having trouble thinking about graduation. It's clearly one of two driving forces behind my commitment phobia. I know all of the logical reasons why impermanence is not a negative thing. Why it is healthy for me to be working towards embracing it. Blah blah blah. It's getting better. But if I had to identify my main interpersonal struggle at this time in my life, that would be it.

MJ's puppy just peeked through my doorway. Hi!

Going to Yuba City for Easter... so I have three days to come up with a safe explanation for my hair, as well as store up a bunch of energy to act appropriately feminine and heteronormative and well-adjusted. We'll see.

Off to go bake my mac and cheese for tomorrow night. Fucking starving.