I need to get working on my AR, but it's so beautiful outside. This weather makes me feel so alive. Yesterday, with all the bike riding and drinking Summerfest on porches and wearing my Saltwater sandals, made it sink in that summer is coming. Three fucking weeks away! I can't wait. There's a lot to get through before then, though.

I've been rather lonely lately. I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by people without connecting to anyone. This morning I hung out with a cute new friend at Empire. Josh and his little sister (who I still have a crush on; I know it's terrible but I can't help it) came by while I was there, as did Bo. I stopped and talked to Bo for a few minutes before I left. During the conversation it hit me that I barely communicate anything personal or meaningful to the people I see the most. Why is this? Well, I think it has a lot to do with how quickly information travels in my circle. Not just travels, but warps. It's like a giant game of telephone sometimes. It's not that I don't want my thoughts to be out in the open, or that I'm talking shit; there are just some things I'd rather process in confidence.

I guess saying that I don't connect to anyone is misleading. I do in many ways-- through banter, or venting about school, or or watching movies, or having a few beers. It's a specific outlet that I'm missing, one that involves a more direct and honest discourse, and challenges me to open up, explore, and give and receive in equal measure. It's not that these outlets don't exist... I just want more of them. And I wish so many of them didn't live so far away.

This is probably the root of my recent longing for a partner. God knows I don't really want one right now, but more emotional needs being met? Absolutely.

I wish my life weren't so compartmentalized. I would like to lean on my family more for support, but before I can do that fully, I will need to come out and continue to differentiate, which is going to be a long process, I think.

Hm.