I'm sitting in Empire sucking down caffeine before my PCIT appointment at 12:45. I haven't had caffeine in four days because of the bronchitis, which has become a major cramp in my style. Although I can't argue with three doctor-mandated days of bed rest in the fragile state of mind I've inhabited for the past several months. Finally made a decision about my AR. I'm finishing it over summer. I can still walk in May and the extra time will give me more of a chance to settle into 6th St. and get more PCIT training. Not to mention the fact that I'll stay sane. I'm so done with stress. I want to drop everything and tell everyone to back the fuck off and leave me alone. But that's what I do when I'm depressed and isolating myself and I know that doesn't get me anywhere. Soooo I'm gonna throw myself into the things I care about-- my internships and family practicum-- and, since something has to give, it's going to be the AR. Can you tell I have some shame about the decision? 'Cause I do. You don't finish a master's at 23 if you don't have some shit driving you.
In any case, the "leave me alone" sentiments, though extreme, do need to be placated. I realized during my glorious days of doing nothing but sleeping and laying on the couch watching DVDs (and coughing so hard that I puked and having shaking chills and sweating excessively and feeling like I was going to pass out) that I haven't spent any time alone lately. Any. At all. I've been running, running, running around trying to do everything and see everyone. No. I love my alone time! It recharges me. And it's springtime! I've been sleep-deprived and had health problems for three solid months. I'm rebelling. Over. Done.
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