You know when you hear a song and it takes you way the fuck back, to the point where you're reliving something? So it goes with M. Ward's "Poison Cup," which I heard just now on an episode of Veronica Mars...
Three and a half years ago, the summer I moved back to Redding, I reconnected with Josh. I was house-sitting and he stayed over. He brought wine and dinner and then told me that he wanted to be with me when I went back to school, which was a shock. He was extremely determined and adamant. We were in love, and that's what started it back again. The morning after, when I was driving to work, I listened to this song on repeat. I remember so clearly what I did that morning: drove to the sketchy Safeway, got some crazy ass espresso drink, and listened to this song. I never really listened to it before or since.
It's not Josh, or anything, really. It's just a memory of feeling loved and wanted, and I don't know what that feels like anymore. I don't have anyone. And I feel like I'm so closed off at this point that I might not find someone again.
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