I talk things out much better than I write them. I write well, but I think quickly and abstractly, so I lose interest when trying to explain my inner life on paper. I also benefit from discussion. Often I write out some sort of huge blog post and then scrap it entirely for a succinct, essential version, which only came out of sorting through my long-winded thoughts. It's less interesting to send my thoughts into a void, but more honest. Though I can say with certainty that I am not always honest with myself, either.
Getting that old familiar feeling. Maybe I've overcaffeinated. This is cup four of black tea on an empty stomach, so probably. I want to be stimulated-- I need to be. And I'm not. 95% of the time I'm not. Therapy challenges me, some of my closer friends challenge me, and art challenges me. How do I learn to challenge myself instead of seeking out greater structures to do that for me? Or is that acceptable? I don't know. I think I'm used to chasing someone-- and when I say that I mean a particular but different someone in sequential points in time-- whose head I can't quite get into. That's my favorite challenge. I don't have that right now and it might be driving me insane.
God, how unhealthy is that?
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