So this was the end of my freshman year, when I was transitioning from being in denial-- wearing heels and glitter makeup all the time and pretending to be interested in normal stuff like high school boys and the mall-- to being totally emo and clinically depressed. Society SUCKS, you guys! People are FAKE! And I have so many problems that they can't see! Why won't they see me?!?!?!
Coming up soon...
v. II: my Lord of the Rings phase
v. III: e.e. cummings is so awesome that I'm going to rip him off in everything that I write for over a year
v. IV: overwhelmingly idealized descriptions of the true love I know I'll find really, really soon, but not yet, because the only thing more romantic than love is the false sense of superiority that comes with hating everyone around you
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Locked Inside the Box
When did it end?
That childlike wonder
curiosity flowing through our veins
The hunger for discovery
lust for passion
When life was the pursuit of happiness
and happiness was sincere
Never concealed and overshadowed
by society’s shining stars and brand names
How do we reverse this destruction?
When was the birth of our corruption?
Were we ever really alive
or are we born breathless walkers
stalkers and killers and trembling cowards
afraid and unable to break the surface
of our sunken dominion
We are taught not to question
but told to think outside the box
Life is a maze of boxes
all piled, one over another
And in them we are packed together
like milk cartons in a crate
The thirst of tyrants
drains our personal power out of our souls
Our own roots are concealed
until we are one
society and individual
Alive without breath
speaking without saying a thing
With vacant eyes we survey our surroundings
jack-o-lantern grins littering pancake faces
never knowing what is
or what could be
5/30/02
Submerged Kingdom
Don’t mind me
Let me stay alone
You try to label me
but you look right through me
A faceless presence
cloaked in shadow
Threatening your world of sunshine
You say love truth beauty happiness
but where am I?
Fallen through the cracks, they whisper
melting into the shadows
observing from behind closed doors
I see you, though you don’t see me
I know you better than you know yourself
But don’t mind me
Turn away as you watch me drown
in this submerged kingdom
of your love truth beauty happiness
And the decay beneath the surface
4/16/02
Tearless
You used to cry.
Remember when?
You were young, carefree.
Boundaries did not exist,
and opinions had no hold over you.
Then you grew up.
You abandoned you childhood in a dark alley
as you ran to meet your friends.
Do you remember?
It’s not like you can cry now.
Your mascara will run and your friends will laugh.
Your eyes clear over time,
and you forget the days when they were
deep wells of love and emotion,
instead of pretty things to paint up and direct at boys.
Then you wake up one morning,
after countless years have passed,
and you don’t recognize yourself.
The beauty of your youth is gone,
and what now do you have?
Nothing.
You shake with the realization
that you have nothing.
And you cry once again.
Salty drops cascade down your stricken face,
tearless for so long.
Now you cry not in freedom
but for the loss of it.
4/26/02
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